Por que eu ainda acredito em Deus?

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Isto é uma mensagem que enviei à Raposa antes de ontem, quando sua crise existencial culminou novamente:

When reading this, try to not let your emotions interfere.

Okay, […] as you know, I was raised christian. Never too religious, though, until I started to get scared of dying. Decided to look for the right path to follow in order to avoid death, but then found out how a lot of religions disapproved stuff that my common sense said were safe, such as homosexuality. I shut up about that, though. Then found out I had to stop masturbating, it hit me hard as heck. I mean, where is the problem in it? A lot of things made no sense in the religion I wanted to follow and that was the last straw. Silly reason to quit religion, huh?

Decided then to find my own way to reconciliate with God and started to dig the Bible and study it by myself. Found out that it was quite easy to follow and be saved. But what if God doesn’t exist at all? I never pondered it much since it was never a priority. I mean, what kind of possible benefit I could get from the answer to that question? If He exists, then great, if not, patience. Won’t make difference. But I still had this fear of the death. Since I digged a lot of Philosophy as well, I found out how people in the past attempted to prove that God existed. One of them being São Tomás de Aquino. Notice however that his proofs doesn’t prove the existence of the christian God, but only proves that nothing comes from nothing and there must be a necessary start for existence, a substance (not in the chemical sense) that always existed. Spontenous creation seems impossible for me.

So, yes, I was convinced that there is a start point for existence, a substance that always existed, that may or may not be the christian God. That’s a question I can’t answer for sure, in the reason field, but, for me, it was a question that couldn’t pass without being answered. It’s when I met Blaise Pascal and his bet. I mean, there are four possibilities:

1) God exists and I believe him, so I’m saved.
2) God exists and I don’t believe him, so I’m fucked.
3) God doesn’t exist and I believe him, I’m still saned from the fear of death because of the hopes I have.
4) God doesn’t exist and I don’t believe him, I’m fated to continue stuck in my problematic and unable to move.

Believing in God seemed to be more “profitable”, for a lack of a better word. So, yes, I assumed that God existed after pondering the possible bets I could do. Plus, there are documentaries around that I have seen after I made such choice that related the biblical narratives and the facts that historical research revealed. One of them I saw in one of those cable TV channels, Discovery Channel, I think. […] Plus, there is a skeptical historical research on who Jesus actually was and what he actually did. So, the belief gained more strenght as I digged up further in them.

So, supposing that God existed, how to be saved? One thing is for sure: Jesus existed and [according to the Bible] he said that he was the only way to reach God, that I assumed that existed. So, I started to read the Gospels once more, that are pretty much about loving the neighbor as myself, something I was already doing. Indeed, all Jesus teachings converged in loving god over anything and my brother as myself. Even if God did not existed, doing such things would certainly make me a better person, in the moral sense. And it’s going on up to today.

And what about all those things they say about Physics and such? They are as clueless as I am, in fact. Everyone choses to believe in what they wish to believe, since no one was there in the act of creation. Once you notice that the physicists are all being supported by numbers and logical interactions between a law and another, you start questioning if their reasoning is more valid than yours, questioning if the logic can really take them that far, how does it affect you, how will you use it and if the human reason really has no limits, even beyond the pratical sphere. True or false, will it serve me? Plus, the Physics is going through a path that Philosophy once went, but will end in a different outcome. I could go in detail, but I guess I’m not in position to discuss the future of science.

I just wanted to share it to you. Maybe you see something good in this.

Por isso. Não é que eu vá à igreja ou qualquer coisa assim e não tenho mais tanto medo da morte como eu costumava ter. Certo que minha crença atual começou assim, mas eu tenho relaxado cada vez mais, a ponto de ver uma possibilidade de aceitar o que Espinosa pregava em seu imanentismo (Deus é a natureza), que em vários pontos faz mais sentido do que as coisas que eu acreditava quando eu comecei. Mas isso é passado agora. Já que a Raposa está passando pelo que eu passei, por que não partilhar com ela o que funcionou comigo?