18 de novembro de 2019

This is my last post in English.

Filed under: Notícias e política — Tags:, — Yurinho @ 15:24

Most of my audience is Brazilian and I have written in Portuguese for most of my days online. I really like to write in my native language, it’s much better for me and it’s easier for me to use a tone that isn’t so dry. When writing in English, I always end up being far too formal. That distances me from the audience. And, probably because I learned English in a school setting, I end up being stuffy when writing in English, like, saying the same thing over and over and sometimes producing long paragraphs. That makes my writing boring.

However, when I write in Portuguese, even when I write about age of consent reform, the positive response is much better, the traffic is faster and more consistent and I receive comments on occasion, though likes are more common than comments. Matter of fact, when I write about age of consent reform, in Portuguese, the responses are always neutral to positive. I don’t get comments, but likes are common. My notes about Rivas’ Positive Memories were liked by people who can be regarded as “normies”. That shows that positive feedback on this stuff can be given by regular people, at least here. That’s probably because the moral panic about adult/minor sex is weaker here: the age of consent is 14 and was almost lowered to 12 in 2011, and, provided that the adult is kind and the relationship is watched by the parents, a lot of people would tolerate this kind of relationship, perhaps more than they would tolerate a peer-aged homosexual relationship involving their child. Yes, depending on where you are in Brazil, adult/child sex (or rather, adult/adolescent sex) is better accepted than homosexuality, in a particular case, even though there are general suspicions.

I think that’s because, in the collective unconscious, there’s the belief that something needs to be harmful to be considered a crime. And, in a particular case, it may be the case, that is, parents, knowing the relationship of their child with a trusted adult, only intervene if damage is clear. All that I’m doing is making sure that statistical evidence and, specially, anecdotal evidence gets in the right hands.

So far, posting in English (in this blog) has brought me less results than writing in Portuguese. However, I noticed that the English version of the MAP Starting Guide, ever since it was posted to Ipce, attracts a lot of attention, but only to that text alone. That means that there are more people reading the stuff I have on Ipce than the stuff I have here, when it comes to English language. So, I was thinking of sending my translations to Ipce or other blogs with better exposure and in English language, such as Heretic TOC, Our Love Frontier and things alike, while leaving my blog only with stuff in Portuguese language.

This decision was also taken because, with the current political climate in Brazil, I feel like the age of consent reform must be put aside; there are more pertinent things to take care of. Our forests are burning, our seas are being polluted, people are hating each other over things that are imagined, rather than real, to the point of families being torn apart and lifelong friends no longer talking to each other. Everyone has become either a fascist or a communist, even though neither side knows what both words mean. With social media, people are also becoming more absorbed in their circle of supporters, causing them to no longer tolerate diverging opinions regarding government and institutions, specifically. Let me tell something funny: while none of the stuff about age of consent reform that I posted received any hate at all, the only time I criticized the president over his economic agenda got hate two days after I published the post containing the criticism. If you are in United States, you may probably find it hard to believe. This is a country where the left (whom they call “communists”) can be more hated than adult/minor sex. The left is subjected to blind hate nowadays, while age of consent reform is open for debate at the same time. Quirky, huh?

I sometimes wonder if that’s because the right-wing is having it’s time in Brazil and the right-wing in Brazil is a carbon copy of the worst things in the North-American right-wing. I would not be surprised if it was riddled full with resentful incels. That makes me also question if the first serious attack on the age of consent is going to come from the right-wing, rather than the left. I like to mention that “whether the left wants to legalize adult/minor sex or not, the fact is that the right can not wait”, because most of the adult/minor sex scandals involve people who position themselves at the right: religious authorities, Bolsonaro supporters, people like that. The right is already doing it. One guy who supported Bolsonaro (I forget if he was an army man or a policeman) was public against adult/minor sex and, yet, was arrested for child porn possession. Another, more recent: a music teacher, who is a Bolsonaro supporter, was arrested and convicted of statutory rape (yes, in a place where the age of consent already is 14, people are still willing to go after people who are younger than that).

But, if the right were to do an attack on the age of consent, wouldn’t the left react? I think that, since the left isn’t particularly concerned with sexualization of minors in Brazil, the reaction would be small. Even experts have a hard time talking to laymen in social media, because people with positive childhood sexual experiences, when given the opportunity, are outspoken about it. That causes experts to concede that those experiences can be positive, but are quick to add that they are “exceptional” and have to rely on emotion to make an absolute ban on such relationships acceptable. By the way, the most outspoken people in that regard, in Brazil, are women. Bruce Rind should come down here and study our ladies, cause I’m sure he would get a smaller rate of negative experiences, compared to the same rates in United States. Summed to that, we have the fact that feminists are a vocal minority here. Most women don’t identify as feminists and many despite it. That being said, a reaction against a possible right-wing attempt at lowering the age of consent would be weak, perhaps null. When the left proposed an age of consent reduction from 14 to 12, people were quick to retaliate. But nowadays, in the current climate, anything that comes from the right meets immediate support from fanatics (almost 30% of our population sides with the president no matter what) and would attain some support from more open-minded people. If the right were to do the same thing, today, it would work, perhaps even with some support from the left.

To sum up, I will stop publishing English texts in this blog and stick with my native language only. My English texts will be sent to other places, where they will likely get more exposure. I would prefer to use my blog to talk only to my people, from now on, about diverse topics, rather than sticking only with age of consent reform.

28 de janeiro de 2019

What I learned by reading “I did not know how to deal with it.”

Filed under: Saúde e bem-estar — Tags:, — Yurinho @ 17:25

I did not know how to deal with it” was written by Frans Gieles. Below, what I learned by reading this text.

  1. The text is about libidinous acts before the age of consent.
  2. Although a good number of these experiences are considered positive at the time they occur, the child or adolescent, after growing up, sees the experience differently and regrets it.
  3. This can occur because of the feeling of vulnerability: the boy feels that he can not leave the relationship after it begins.
  4. The rapid progression of the relationship can also hurt the minor.
  5. Another source of negative feelings is secrecy: the minor who has to keep secrets from family and friends can also be left with a heavy conscience.
  6. Yet another reason to see the experience negatively is the lack of spontaneity: the younger feels controlled.
  7. For reasons like these, the child or adolescent who agrees to have sex before the age of consent grows up and feels ashamed of having accepted.
  8. This kind of relationship can undermine the child’s self-confidence.
  9. In addition, there is the problem that the minor may try to avoid the partner and, despite this, continue to suffer pressure from the partner.
  10. It follows that the absence of violence does not make precocious sex completely risk-free.
  11. The reinterpretation of a positive experience as negative does not occur without reason.
  12. One of the reasons is the sexual negativity of society.
  13. Another is the media.
  14. These sources of different narratives are absorbed by subjects who have no critical sense.
  15. Thus, in an early relationship without real violence, growing up in an environment that rejects such a relationship will lead the subject to see the experience as negative despite the relationship being consensual.
  16. This later judgment is consolidated in mental health clinics if the minor is forced to attend some type of therapy.
  17. Soon all deviations in the boy’s conduct will be attributed to his past relationship.
  18. The child should never feel forced.
  19. The initiative can not be taken by the older partner.
  20. The minor should be able to leave the relationship at will.
  21. If a relationship has to be kept secret to continue existing, it is better not to have such a relationship.
  22. If relationships before the age of consent are prohibited, keeping them is immoral.
  23. Even if they were legal, the relationship is unethical as long as it does not meet the requirements in items 18 through 21.
  24. Social changes can happen in the next generation … or may take several generations.
  25. First, it is necessary that a libidinous act before the age of consent is no longer seen as “always abuse”, which requires a renewal of the backbone of research on child sexuality, a new paradigm .
  26. If a libidinous act before the age of consent can be assessed as ” pleasurable ” at the time it occurred, but “immoral” after the subject becomes adult, it is more responsible, given the chance of this occurring, not to seek such relationships.
  27. This is especially true in adult/child relationships.
  28. The subject under the age of consent who maintains sexual relationships may be stigmatized because of this.
  29. Parents have the right to know what their child is getting into.
  30. And few parents would allow such a thing.

14 de junho de 2018

What now?

Filed under: Notícias e política, Organizações — Tags:, — Yurinho @ 16:45

Well, I have completed my readings of the Federal Constitution and the Statute of the Child and Adolescent. So what else is there to do? Well, now comes the really difficult part, which is to build a bridge between the scientific articles and books I have and the laws. In fact, from what I have observed, the ban on child sexuality conflicts with the rights guaranteed to children and adolescents. Then one may speak of vexation, humiliation, and oppression. I have a lot to read and write before the final text (codenamed the Lolipill) is finished. I like to think of it as my “informal masters dissertation.”

A friend of mine gave me two advices: to write about the age of consent within the context of the minor’s sexual self-determination and to write with lawyers and judges as target audience. And that was where my previous text, the Statutory Rape, was failing. It had no target audience in particular. We know that, after all, laws are enforced by the judiciary. When one law conflicts with another, the judge must decide what to do. Considering that there are judges who absolve relationships engaged before the age of fourteen, it would not be entirely alien to believe that it is possible to strengthen the legal arguments of defense lawyers hired by a defendant. As I said before, there are three ways to eliminate a law, one of which is the implosive way. If the law does not convict or has difficulty convicting, what is its use?

Although I can not legally tell you to break the law, it is not illegal, as far as I know, to help you defend yourself if you are about to face trial, especially if you are underage. True, law enforcement is not my area, but reading the laws is not even that hard and I do not think I’m stupid to the point of not having understood anything I’ve read. So, although I can offer arguments, their validity depends on the judge. This is going to be fun. Let’s see how far we can go with this idea!

29 de maio de 2018

PNVD’s mistake.

Filed under: Notícias e política, Organizações — Tags:, — Yurinho @ 21:37

The Party of Neighborly Love, Freedom and Diversity (hereinafter ” PNVD “) was a political group in the Netherlands founded by Ad van den Berg, Norbert de Jonge and Marthijn Uittenbogaard . His short existence is full of controversy. In fact, the party lasted four years and never competed in any elections, being a frequent target of the conservative media of the time. Many point out their liberal position regarding age of consent laws as the cause of their extinction, as the party stated that the age of consent should be lowered to twelve. However, in another country, the Communist Party of Great Britain continues in operation despite advocating the complete elimination of age of consent laws. So it was not just the plan to reduce the age of consent to twelve that caused the end of the PNVD, but the propaganda made against that party and a number of other proposals that could be considered scandalous to society at that time, such as reducing minimum age for alcohol and tobacco consumption and the legalization of public nudity.


The PNVD described itself as liberal and humanistic, which means that in its worldview, government should allow harmless human relationships, interfering as little as possible in private life. The government’s main function, in PNVD’s point of view, would be to guarantee the minimum for the human existence, intervening as little as possible in said existence once it was guaranteed . Among PNVD’s good proposals we can mention privacy in telecommunications, non-prohibition of violent electronic games, keeping the state from giving weapons to warring countries (unless they are democracies), non-privatization of water and electricity services, online crime reporting, empowering the population to make referenda through petitions with 100,000 signatures, ending the Dutch equivalent of the party fund and ending political immunity. So far, sounds good.

So why did it fail? Many point their liberal position regarding the age of consent as the cause. For PNVD, the age of consent should be twelve. This same proposal appeared in Brazil, two years after the adoption of the new rape law, which criminalizes, in article 217A of the Penal Code , any sexual relationship engaged before the age of fourteen. The idea was to protect children from adult attacks, but the law, perhaps inadvertently, interfered with teenage relationships, so that in practice, if the difference between friendship and courtship is libidinousness, a teenager have to wait until the age of fourteen to start dating. In Brazil, dating before fourteen is rape. In addition, this law criminalizes a number of harmless relationships , sometimes approved by parents, between minors and responsible adults. At the time of writing, the Penal Code reform has not been completed, and the age of consent in Brazil is still fourteen.

It should be remembered that the age of consent is twelve in some countries (Philippines, for example), with the lowest age of consent in the world being eleven (Nigeria). In Japan, land of the lowest teenage pregnancy rates in the world, the age of consent is at least thirteen , but varies (always for more) depending on the prefecture. In addition, another party, the Communist Party of Great Britain (CPGB-PCC, should not be confused with the former party of the same name that ceased operation in the 1990s) lists as one of its immediate demands the complete abolition of age of consent laws, and yet this party remains in operation despite having a much more radical position than that of the PNVD.

Finally, the age of consent in the Netherlands, where the PNVD had been formed, only became absolutely sixteen in 2002, four years before the party was founded. Prior to that date, between 1990 and 2002, the age of consent could be relaxed to a maximum of twelve if the parents or local child protection organizations had no evidence of exploitation. Thus, the idea of ​​reducing the age of consent to twelve, four years after sex at twelve was no longer considered “normal”, probably wasn’t something so scandalous to the point of causing PNVD to cease operation. That being said, we can conclude that the extinction of the PNVD was not caused, at least not exclusively, by its desire to reduce the age of consent to twelve, if we remember that:

  1. The age of consent is very low in other countries;
  2. There are more radical parties in operation;
  3. Sex at age twelve was not forbidden four years before the formation of the party (provided there was no exploitation).

So what was the cause? A good starting point for solving this issue is PNVD’s party programme.

At least one of the founders was openly pedophile.

Marthijn states on his site that he would not want to live his life as a lie. Because of this, he is honest about his desires for minors. In his text on open pedophiles, he cites the other two founders of the PNVD, although without directly saying whether they were open pedophiles or if they are mere activists against age of consent laws.

Pedophilia is the preferred sexual attraction for children who have not started puberty yet, usually before the age of twelve. Being a sexual attraction, it does not imply action: there is an unknown number of pedophiles who have never gotten involved with minors and less than half of all people arrested for sex with minors can be qualified as pedophiles. Thus, if a person is a pedophile, that does not imply that said person has sex with minors and does not even imply an interest in legalization. On the other hand, if a large number of people arrested for sex with minors aren’t pedophiles (they fail at the diagnosis), we can conclude that we can’t guarantee, just from the fact that you aren’t a pedophile, that you will not have sex with a minor within your lifetime, due to alcohol or drug intoxication or because a thirteen-year-old girl who looks like sixteen lied about her age. Thus, Marthijn’s “coming out” about being a pedophile does not imply that he has sexual contact with minors.

The first problem was that he admitted this in the political arena. True, if you keep your integrity and coherence with yourself, without hypocrisy, telling the truth, you are ethically admirable. But politics is unethical: telling the truth, unfortunately, exposed the party to the attacks of the conservative media, which readily dubbed the party as pedopartij . In addition, when you have a party founded by pedophiles and you mix it with the proposal to reduce the age of consent, you are likely to pass the idea of ​​self-interest. Add to this the stigma attached to pedophilia and none of PNVD’s proposals could be evaluated impartially: privacy in telecommunications would be a way to share illegal pornography, the release of all electronic games would enable the moral destruction of youth and so on. It is sad, but political success does not depend on personal ethics ( O Príncipe , chapter XV, in Antologia Ilustrada de Filosofia, page 193), especially in such radical cases. This would explain how the CPGB-PCC continues to operate: as it is free from the stigma of pedophilia, its proposal to abolish the age of consent passes as a mere consequence of its party ideology.

Child liberation.

One obscure concept, but very popular among people opposed to the age of consent, is child liberation. “Liberating” a class means giving to it the same rights as its oppressing class. Thus, child liberation is the equalization of rights between child and adult. The idea seems interesting to critics of childhood. The PNVD had some proposals related to this, but it seems to have handpicked the most shocking.

Firstly, guaranteeing minors the right, but not the duty, to learn a profession and exercise it. Compulsory education would cease at the age of twelve, and the adolescent would have the freedom to choose whether or not to continue studying or to begin salaried work. This was proposed at a time when the world was (and still is) at war against child labor.

In addition, some freedoms that the PNVD would like to give to minors are freedoms that we are trying to caution adults about. We know that the ills of ordinary cigarettes are so many and so intense that there are no safe levels of use. However, one of the proposals of the PNVD was to reduce the minimum age for tobacco consumption. From the age of twelve, the adolescent could experiment with cigarettes, while being aware of the consequences (warnings about the dangers of smoking would be given). Knowing that cigarettes should not be used even by adults, why give it to teenagers? The idea was to allow teens to take responsibility for their actions, but considering the risk-benefit ratio (many cigarette damages are cumulative and permanent), that does not seem enough to warrant plausibility of such permission.

Another freedom would be the consumption of alcohol by people who are at least twelve. There is a law in Connecticut that says that it is okay for a minor to drink alcohol while supervised by parents . However, the PNVD’s proposal to allow adolescents to consume alcohol silences about supervision. The impression that is left is that the adolescent could see the wine in the refrigerator, open it and turn the bottle in his mouth, just like how he already does with soda.

Thus, while the idea of ​​giving minors access to adult rights is tempting, the PNVD, by emphasizing freedoms that are harmful or contrary to the spirit of times, may have alienated potential supporters. Again, this is probably an effect of the ethics of its members, of “not living lies,” that is, they were proposing what they sincerely saw as good for society. The world is not ready to give so many freedoms to its children, which does not mean that child liberation is inherently impossible. In fact, children were once liberated, at a time when the concept of childhood did not exist: you were either a potential adult or an adult in fact, with childhood as we conceive it today being absent.

Would PNVD work in Brazil?

The PNVD made other proposals that would certainly be badly received if made in Brazil, for example. In this section, I present some polarizing proposals that the PNVD has made that may have alienated potential supporters. As I do not know the political climate of the Netherlands at the time the PNVD existed, my criterion of choice is the current Brazilian political climate, which, at least when it comes to evaluating the proposals below, should not be so different. That way, we can see if PNVD could work here, in Brazil, if it existed here.

The first and most important proposal that I would like to comment is the abolition of the minimum wage. The idea here is to increase competition among companies, which could offer jobs at lower wages, so the employee could choose to join the company that offered the highest pay. However, the existence of a minimum wage does not prevent a company from offering wages that are higher than minimum. In addition, in places with little competition, wages would be lower. People would have to seek employment in places where competition is greater, which could cause exodus, making investment in some places unattractive, increasing social inequality. In addition, the PNVD favored the idea of ​​a basic income so that the person could stay alive even without working (plus government aid for having children under 12), not unlike the brazilian Bolsa Família program. If no company offered enough to make work an appealing proposal , the person could be tempted to simply not work until the competition in their area increased, especially if the possibility of employment remained uncertain after moving to another area, which would, of course, require money. Add to that the proposition of allowing adolescents to work and a level of comfort in a region with little competition would require the youngest in the family to drop out of school as soon as possible. This reduces the quality of the workforce, making it cheaper and easy prey for multinationals.

The second is the legalization of child pornography. For the PNVD, this prohibition is censorship and the general situation in the Netherlands was made worse by the ban on possession of child pornography, which was not a crime until 1998. Although a lot of child pornography is produced by children themselves, who take pictures ( nudes ) of themselves or record videos, which turns minors into the biggest consumers of child pornography today, not making the distinction between innocuous and offensive probably scandalized both conservatives and liberals. In fact, some say that the law against child pornography has turned against children themselves, since the classification of any erotic material involving children under eighteen as child pornography criminalizes a safe way of mutual discovery of adolescent sexuality (here talking about sexting). However, if the PNVD wanted to decriminalize child pornography because its prohibition is “censorship”, the voter would deduce that the party also intended to decriminalize the pornography that actually victimizes the minor, which would explain why the PNVD, despite arguing that the ban is censorship , was contrary to commercialization (at least at first). This seemingly random ban would reduce the incentive to produce violent pornography, done by adults at the expense of the child’s welfare. Proposals related to this are permission to broadcast pornography on television at any time and the permission of actors aged sixteen or older to feature in pornographic productions.

The third, and perhaps the strangest, is the legalization of public nudity. For the PNVD, there are no valid reasons to keep a citizen from walking around naked. You could wear clothes if you wanted to, but you would not have to. However, when sitting in public places, you would need a towel, for hygiene reasons.

The fourth is the legalization of discrimination, except when practiced by the government. Thus, citizens could discriminate against each other, but the government would not have this freedom to not hurt isonomy. You could discriminate against someone for being black, but knowing that you would be subject to discrimination for being racist. For the PNVD, this reveals who the people really are. You could also have a discriminating company that only accepts employees with certain characteristics. However, depending on the ideology in place at one time, this could lead to a return to “men’s jobs,” “women’s jobs,” “black jobs,” and other long-term social regressions.

The fifth is the legalization of all drugs. Their legalization would increase competition by reducing their price, so that people would not, for example, need to resort on robbery satisfy their addiction. In Brazil, this would reduce drug traffic revenues. However, a moderately conservative person would find it wrong to allow “soft” drugs to be sold to people who are at least twelve years old. Heavy drugs could only be sold to people sixteen or older. Related to this proposal is the legalization of cigarette and alcohol advertising (cigarette advertising is prohibited in Brazil).

The sixth is the reduction of the minimum voting age. For the PNVD, you should be able to vote from the age of twelve. This is a necessary reflection of their child liberation policy. But this could not occur without a general improvement in the critical education of minors, which should begin before the age of twelve to prepare them for the exercise of their political capacity. Thus, giving adolescents the right to vote implies a change in the educational system as well (the PNVD suggests the creation of a discipline called “skeptical thinking”, which would be mandatory, like philosophy in Brazilian high school), requiring the training of more teachers. The implementation of this education would take place slowly and the proposal could only be effectively adopted much later.

The last proposal I would like to comment is to unify the salaries of civil servants who occupy the same position. This means that two teachers would earn the same salary even if one was in public service for a longer time. All other party proposals can be found in the party’s programme.

To compete in the elections, a party in the Netherlands needs to get thirty signatures in each electoral region. However, perhaps because of the founders’ over-honesty in making proposals that are so far from what the electorate was accustomed to, the PNVD never got these signatures and therefore never ran for any election.


Considering what I just wrote, my opinion is that the PNVD failed to obtain its signatures because the position of its founders, of whom at least one was admittedly a pedophile, was excessively honest. Machiavelli teaches in his Prince that praiseworthy virtues in private life, such as honesty, can become obstacles to political activity: unless the founders concealed this detail, they would have no chance. I know this is a highly pessimistic view of politics, but, at least in this case, honesty was a problem. This made the party easy victim of the conservative media, which began to advertise negatively, and may have prevented an unbiased appraisal of good proposals.

In addition, there were a number of proposals contrary to the public interest. In a democratic system, you need the support of the majority to do anything, so joining several proposals that would be unwelcome prevents agreements that could be made between the party and the general population. It is necessary to make agreements with the population to make a party work and making agreements with people implies giving to the people what it wishes. After all, the task of a democratic state is to act in the interest of the people from which its power emanates. If you have an unpopular proposal that you see as necessary to the public good, it needs to be accompanied by other attractive proposals. For example: in Brazil, people want jobs and companies want profit. So it is natural that the most popular parties are those who put emphasis on economic matters, such as the Workers’ Party and the Social Democracy Party of Brazil. This also helps to explain how the CPGB-PCC continues to exist even if it wants to abolish the age of consent immediately: several of its other proposals are relevant and attractive, especially to the working class.


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14 de setembro de 2017

Attraction to minors.

“Minor-attracted people” refers to adults who are attracted to children or adolescents and also refers to adolescents who are attracted to children. The concept overlaps with others, such as pedophilia and hebephilia. However, this category is fairly new and most people don’t see the difference between attraction to minors and pedophilia, which is, itself, charged with great amounts of stigma. Because of that, the self-esteem of minor-attracted people is severely damaged, they hide and develop self-hatred. But it’s important for the minor-attracted person to understand that they are not a threat to minors, that their attraction is fine in other cultures and that, putting things that way, attraction to minors isn’t a disease per itself, but is made such by society. That should help minor-attracted people to accept themselves wholeheartedly, to see cultural phenomena as passive of changing, improve understanding of themselves and point to help, if such is needed.


Try looking up the word “pedophilia” online right now. What you will likely see is a number of news articles about cases of child rape, molestation or worse. However, for a group of people, it is a very narrow picture. I am talking about minor-attracted people. Those people acknowledge that they have feelings for minors, so they are in position to judge what people say about them. And for many minor-attracted people, the news do not reflect who they truly are.

The phenomenon of attraction to minors is too diverse to be adequately described by media outlets. There are minor-attracted people who are pedophiles, but there’s also nepiophiles (attracted to babies) and hebephiles (attracted to pubescents). There are minor-attracted people who feel that their attraction, despite being illegal, does not need to be illegal, but others prefer things to stay the way they are. And most interestingly, there are minors who are attracted to much younger minors, not to mention minors who are attracted to same-age peers.

The problem is that media outlets, by spreading misinformation, makes many minor-attracted people feel isolated or despaired. They do not see themselves in the monsters portrayed in the news. So, if you are law-abiding and attracted to minors, you might think that you are one of a few or that you would soon end up breaking the law. That causes feelings of despair. Yet, that despair is grounded on a false assumption: that all minor-attracted people are active or potential criminals.

That being said, looking up information about attraction to minors in general and pedophilia in particular can be a very painful and fruitless activity. The goal of this text is to provide accurate information about attraction to minors to minor-attracted people themselves, in order to make them feel more at an ease, while stressing the need to stay law-abiding. The first section tries to define attraction to minors, the second tries to explain the difference between thoughts and actions. Hopefully, after reading this, you will be able to sleep well. Because the text has minor-attracted people are audience, I will write in second person.

Before going any further, I need to state that this guide will not teach you to break the law: there is no information on grooming, sharing of child pornography, nothing like that. If you came to this page expecting any of that, I fear you will be disappointed. The text is introductory and, despite it’s academic form, should not be seen as a scientific report. Please, check the references for further information.

Attraction to minors.

Being attracted to minors is having an erotic attachment to people who are not yet adults. Because “minor” is a cultural term, not a biological one, such as “child”, there’s no universal age for one to be called a “minor”, even though, in most Western societies, you are only an adult at age 18. Attraction to babies is called nepiophilia, attraction to prepubescent children is called pedophilia, attraction to pubescent children and adolescents is called hebephilia, attraction to postpubescent adolescents is called ephebophilia. It is important to stress that those terms imply a preferential attraction: if you felt sexually attracted to a child once, but it was an one-time occurence or if your desire for adults is higher, you are not a pedophile. Out of those, only pedophilia (and, by extension, nepiophilia) is considered a mental disorder, according to the International Classification of Diseases and the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders, but only as long as the pedophile is markedly distressed by the feelings or if he has acted according to the impulse. That being said, a pedophile is not necessarily mentally ill, depending on how well the pedophile deals with his feelings. The reason why hebephilia and ephebophilia are not considered disorders, even when acted out, is because they are far too common to be considered such. Plus, the pathologization of hebephilia would have undesired effects in the forensic field (Frances & First, 2011), which could explain why the age of consent around the world can be as low as 12 in some countries.

While minor-attracted people differ in “ages of attraction”, they also differ according to political position. The age of consent is a law. Positioning yourself as favorable or against a law is a political position. There are pedophiles who are favorable to age of consent reform and there are those who are not. Minor-attracted people who are favorable to lowering or abolishing the age of consent are often called “pro-contact” or “pro-consent”. Those who are favorable to leaving the age of consent as it is or raising it are often called “anti-contact”. Those labels are not indicative of offender status: a person can be pro-contact and law-abiding. Being law-abiding is often called being “non-offending”. Neither label implies a position on child pornography: there are pro-contact minor-attracted people who would not want the legalization of child pornography, while some anti-contacts could want the legalization at least of cartoon child pornography, while being against the legalization of child pornography featuring real children.

One could ask why would you, for example, adopt either particular stance on the age of consent. While those who are pro-contact argue that some adult-child relationships, sexual or not, could be harmless or even beneficial, in a way that it would be more fair if those relationships were judged on a case-by-case basis (see quote by “Trevor” in Rivas, 2016, page 92), those who are anti-contact argue that harm still happens and that it could be devastating or that, even if those relationships could be harmless and positively recalled, they are still immoral, as the consent given by the child can always be called into question. The mere fact that such debate exists within minor-attracted communities should serve to dispel the prejudice that people who are sexually attracted to minors are always unethical. Because sexuality includes several interpersonal elements and a dynamic between the person who desires and the desired person, something that is observed even in adolescents (if there are minor-attracted adolescents, then what is said about adolescent desire in Drury & Bukowsky, 2013, page 128 and 129 applies here too), then it’s safe to say that sexual attraction is a feature of a wider erotic response that includes feelings of love (for a personal account by a pedophile, see O’Carroll, 1980, chapter 1). It is unlikely that you would defend either position disregarding children’s safety and feelings.

It’s also worth noting that minor-attracted people aren’t always adults: according to one of B4U-ACT’s surveys, most minor-attracted people feel their first attraction to an younger child at age 12 and notice that such attraction is preferential at age 14. That means that there are adolescents who are attracted to children, for example. How would a person who hates minor-attracted people as a consequence of their desire to protect children respond to this? Protecting children implies protecting minor-attracted children too. So, hating minor-attracted people in general is not something that can be conciliated with the desire to protect children in general.


The causes of attraction to minors are not clear. It seems to be first noticed in adolescence and is resistant to change. Considering that even people under the age of 12 are sexual beings and that they have sexual play among each other (for examples of childhood sexual activity, see Campbell et al, 2013, pages 154 to 157), one could think that the problem regarding attraction to minors resides in the fact that the person, when growing up, continues to be attracted to children, but it is not always like that: some people notice that they are preferably attracted to children late in life as well. The trait, however, seems to be inherent. There is no “becoming” when it comes to attraction to minors: you are or you are not. However, one can speak of “discovery”. You discover yourself as a minor-attracted person, but you can not say that a specific event “triggered” the attraction.

For a while, it was thought that having sexual contacts with an adult would cause the child to grow as a pedophile. That line of thought is called “abused-abuser cycle theory” and is currently being contested. There seems to be no necessary link between having sexual contacts in childhood and growing up attracted to children, specially if such contact is regarded as negative.

The only thing that can be said is that attraction to minors in general and pedophilia in particular are not choices, with a handful of researchers claiming that pedophilia could be a sexual orientation. If attraction to minors happens to be a sexual orientation, an analogy with homosexuality is possible: nothing can “turn you gay”, you either are gay or are not. But you can say that you “discover yourself gay”. While that does not warrant that adult-child sex should be legal, that does mean that, if pedophiles do not choose their condition and that changing such condition is not possible, hating them for that alone is unfair. You are not responsible for the feelings you have, but only for your actions.


Minor-attracted people notice their first attraction to children around age 12. Contrary to popular belief, it is not an exclusively male phenomenon: women and girls can be attracted to people much younger than themselves as well. The feelings they have come in three levels: caring, romantic and sexual. In the first level, you may have urges to care for the young, offer guidance (see article found in the New York Post, 2007, quoted in Rivas, 2016, pages 113 to 115), protect and be available for their needs. That would help to explain why so many sex scandals involve people in positions of guidance, such as priests or teachers. On the second level, the urge is to have emotional bounding (Rivas, 2016, page 264). On the third level, the desires are geared towards what we would call “molestation”, in legal terms: touching, caressing, fondling, acts that are more often centered on the child (see quote by D. J. West, in O’Carroll, 1980, chapter 3). It has been pointed in literature that, at least when it comes to pedophiles (not including hebephiles or ephebophiles), penetration is a rare feature of sexual contact with children. Considering that those sexual feelings may coexist with loving feelings, it seems natural that pedophiles, as people attracted to prepubescent children, would refrain from penetrative activity, as it would be both painful and probably degrading for the child (see O’Carroll, 1980, chapter 6, where he explains why there should be an age of consent for certain penetrative acts). An immature child experiencing penetration is unlikely to enjoy it: losing the virginity can be a painful experience for older girls and even women, let alone for a small child. A child should never be submitted to anything beyond their level of maturity.

However, as implied by the two first attraction tiers (care and romance), you probaby would not feel gratification if the child or adolescent is unwilling. The laymen could then ask “what about the cases of child rape that we see on television?” It is now known that most people arrested for sex with minors do not fulfill the diagnostic criteria for pedophilia. In laymen terms, that means that most people who are prosecuted for sex with kids are not pedophiles in the first place. There are several reasons for a person to have sex with minors and pedophilia is just one of them. The person could have sex with a minor for experimentation, revenge, desire to cause pain, intoxication, jailbaiting, mental disorder or, in extreme, rare cases, minor-on-adult rape. If only a minority of those people on television are real pedophiles, laymen are supposed to be more worried about “normal” people abusing their children. If an abuser really could be “anyone”, it’s now known that it seldom is a pedophile.

Finally, considering the social impact of those relationships and the caring and romantic feelings that coexist with the sexual feelings, it is not a surprise that many minor-attracted people choose to remain celibate towards children and adolescents (the classical example is the relationship between Alice Liddell and Lewis Carroll, as seen in Rivas, 2016, pages 247 and 248). In fact, even among those who espouse a pro-contact view, having a sexual relationship with a minor is viewed as unethical, as it can expose both the adult and the minor to the tribulations of societal intervention. So, pedophiles who have sincere feelings of love for children should remain celibate, even if they mean no harm, at least until the climate becomes more accepting of those relationships (Rivas, 2016, page 271).

Is there a treatment or cure?

Wether attraction to minors is a sexual orientation or a disorder, it is resistant to change. We know that aversion therapy, once used as an attempt to change homosexual attraction into a heterosexual one, does not work. In fact, aversion therapy was equaled to punishment, of the cruel and unusual kind, by Leinwand. Such punishment is still applied on people with problematic sexual attractions. Aversion therapy techniques include electric shock, vomit induction, high-frequency buzzing noises and other unpleasant stimuli while, at same time, it is also given to that person something that sexually arouses them (see footnotes in O’Carroll, 1980, chapter 4).

If attraction to minors can not be changed, the best we can do in the current climate is to help minor-attracted people to stay law-abiding while improving the quality of their life. When you are isolated or has the feeling of “having nothing else to lose”, you are more prone to offend. That means that isolating minor-attracted people from society is not helpful to the goals of society, nor to your goals of staying non-offending. With that in mind, the therapeutic group B4U-ACT does not advocate treatment that aims to “cure” you, especially because B4U-ACT does not see attraction to minors as an illness. Therapists who work with B4U-ACT are supposed to stick to humane treatment, focused on your well-being, which does lessen the chances of offense.

Feelings and actions.

Feeling attraction to minors is different from acting on such attraction. To make an analogy, several people have urges to do illegal things: to murder or beat up a person they dislike, to experiment with illicit drugs or playing illicit games. However, having those feelings do not guarantee that a person would act on those urges. Nonetheless, people are entitled to their fantasies. Same goes for you.

In Japan, cartoon child pornography, in the form of lolicon/shotacon manga, is tolerated. But the availability of such pornography (as with any pornography) does not seem to increase Japan’s rates of child sexual abuse at all (Diamond & Uchiyama, 1999, page 10). According to the news outlet International Business Times, both United States and United Kingdom, two territories that are very invested in fighting pedophilia, appear in the list of the five countries with highest rates of child sexual abuse. It is important to remind you that the information comes from a news outlet and that the definition of “child” in the article is not given. But lets suppose that the list is accurate. If it is, how can we explain such fact?

In a study about the presence of pornography and it’s correlation with sex crime rates, it was found out that Czech Republic had lower rates of child sexual abuse after legalizing possession of child pornography (Diamond et al, 2011, page 1039). While that does not warrant that child pornography should be legal, that could mean that the presence of child pornography makes pedophiles in particular less prone to seek encounters with real children. That could help to explain why the rates of child sexual abuse are low in Japan, but high in United States: Japan allows pedophiles to have an outlet for their feelings, giving them safe discharge. Provided that such outlet is manga, real children do not have to participate in the production at all. Because of that, there is some research being done in the subject of virtual reality child pornography, which would serve the same purpose. While evidence showing that child pornography makes pedophiles less prone to offend is inconclusive, investigating the use of child pornography with no real children as a coping mechanism is still worth a try. So, if you are against any modification on the age of consent laws, this possibility is something you should consider.

Even if no outlet is given, no one can take away their right to fantasize. It’s not possible to make thoughts and feelings illegal. As long as you find a way to have legal sexual relief, the proneness to break the law would be lower. Also, there are other forms of expression that are not sexually explicit. For example, a “boy love” novel was published on in 2018. It was not the first book of it’s kind and probably will not be last. Another example would be the movie I Love You, Daddy, released in 2017. The existence of legal fiction works with such themes shows that sublimation of the desire through artistic work is also possible and it can also be done in an acceptable, legal and even profitable way. It is also worth noting that such works may very well be done by people who are not even themselves attracted to minors.

Age of consent and culture.

The volatility of laws makes them unsuitable to defining what is sick and what is not, even though they can dictate what is socially acceptable and what is not. This is an important issue to touch for the well-being of minor-attracted people, because part of the shame they feel over their feelings comes from the fact that many forms of attraction to minors are illegal in their territory.

Age of consent varies across cultures, that is, across time and place. The first ages of consent were very low. In United States, for example, the age of consent used to be 7 in Delaware. Societal movements, especially feminism (see, for example, Sandfort, 1987, chapter 1), played a role in changing that picture. But even today, ages of consent can be very low in other places: the lowest age of consent in Japan is 13, the age of consent in Brazil is 14 nationwide and it is 12 in Philippines. The case of Brazil is specially interesting because the age of consent in Brazil was 16 in 1920, it is currently 14 and there was a proposal to lower it to 12, following, among other things, the discovery that it was interfering with teenage romances. So, from the countries I just mentioned, Brazil shows a tendency to lower it’s age of consent as time passes by. There are also countries with no age of consent, but have minimum age limits for marriage, which also can be pretty low. Those countries frequently impose constraints on sexual activity in order to keep it inside marriage. So, in some countries, if you are married, age disparity does not matter. Last, in indigenous isolated cultures, such law may also be absent (for several examples of such tribes, see O’Carroll, 1980, chapter 2). Finally, there are initiatives against the very concept of age of consent, such as the party programme of the Communist Party of Great Britain (CPGB-PCC), which lists, as one of it’s immediate demands, the abolishment of age of consent laws and the elaboration of alternative legislation against child sexual abuse. On the other hand, a worldwide movement to raise the age of consent in the entire world could not be done without meeting a lot of cultural resistence, especially in the East. Such movement would take decades to succeed.

That means that having romantic or sexual affairs with minors is not always illegal, depending on your context. If you were born in the right place, at the right time, your attraction would be tolerated, accepted or even cherished. It is not like you are sick; you were just born in the wrong culture. While that is a fact and while the age of consent is indeed volatile, pointing that out alone should not be seen as an encouragement to break the law, nor as an encouragement to have sex with children. After all, such volatility has been exhaustively pointed out in other works (see the references for a few).

After this, one could wonder why the age of consent in United Kingdom and United States, for example, is so high. One of the arguments for keeping a high age of consent is that children mature at different paces: a 15-year-old could behave as if they were 12, despite another 15-year-old being capable of behaving as if they were 18. So, setting the bar high could ensure that no underdeveloped child or adolescent would consent to something they don’t actually understand.

Statistics and anecdotes.

But lower ages of consent imply that relationships at a certain age may not be violent. That prompts the question about whether sexual contact before the age of consent is always harmful or not. Can relationships between adults and children ever work? Statistical and anecdotal evidence shows that intergenerational relationships are not consistently harmful. If precocious sexual contact was always harmful, the age of consent would variate less. Plus, if that was the case, age of consent would be a much older law, like the laws against murder, violence, rape and robbery.

The consideration of positively recalled precocious sexual contact would not be included in this document if it was not recorded in literature that knowing of such information could improve your self-esteem. But a discussion about positively experienced adult-child sexual intimacy can not be done without considering the reasons for the prohibition.

Evidence fails to demonstrate the belief that adult-child sexual intimacy is always harmful. Some of those contacts are recalled as positive. One of the books used as reference for this text is Rivas’ Positive Memories, which compiles anecdotes of positively recalled, voluntary sexual contacts between minors no older than 15 with adults no younger than 18 (Rivas, 2016, page 9). Those anecdotes were extracted from other works, such as biographies, news articles, scientific papers and others. The sources can be found in the book’s bibliography. Other compilations are available elsewhere.

Some studies that could be used to prove the existence of non-violent intergenerational relationships are out there. A few of them that I can mention are Arreola et al, 2008; Arreola et al, 2009; Bauserman & Rind, 1997; Carballo-Diéguez et al, 2011; Condy et al, 1987; Dolezal et al, 2014; Kilpatrick, 1987; Lahtinen et al, 2018; Leahy, 1996; Mulya, 2018; Rind, 2001; Rind, 2016; Rind & Tromovitch, 1997; Rind & Welter, 2013; Rind & Welter, 2016; Rind et al, 1998; Sandfort, 1984; Sandfort, 1987; Tindall, 1978; Ulrich et al, 2005-2006; Wet et al, 2018. These studies offer both statistical and anecdotal evidence that sexual contact between adult and child may be both harmless and voluntary (that is, non-violent). You may notice that some of those studies are fairly recent, while others are ancient. It would be interesting to check them if you would like to read more on the subject. But it is not my goal to expose the data that was gathered by those researchers.

It is also worth mentioning that none of those studies take a definite pro-legalization position. For example, Mulya, 2018, says that anecdotes of positively-recalled adult/child sexual intimacy should not be seen as a personal attempt at making those relationships legally acceptable. On the same way, Lahtinen et al, 2018, only tries to explain why some children do not report sexual contact with adults to the authorities when such contact happens and one of the study’s findings is that some children do not report because they do not see the contact as something worth mentioning while a handful do not report because they enjoyed the experience. But the study does not conclude that such experiences should be made legal, but, rather, than children should be encouraged to report, no matter how they evaluate the experience. That being said, the mere exposure of this data should not be seen as encouragement to break the law. Plus, scientific data alone can not operate changes in the law either and, if science wants to be impartial, it must not be concerned with politics or the law, but with the facts.

If intergenerational relationships can be positive, why is adult/child sexual contact still illegal? The answer relies on informed consent. The belief that children can not consent seems to be the only reason why those contacts are still considered always abuse (see citation by Archard, in Jahnke et al, 2017, page 3). But what does it mean “to consent” in this context, as many of those contacts are regarded as “voluntary” by the supposed victim?

Informed consent is needed when risk is present: whenever you are about to do something dangerous, you need to be aware of the consequences of an act and must be able to take a free decision on wether to take the risk or not (see Lavin, 2013, page 5). Sex is regarded as risky, in the sense of potentially harmful. If sex is potentially harmful, everyone who engages in sexual practices must give informed consent, that is, must be aware of the consequences and be able to take a free stance on taking the risk or not. The problem with adult/child sexual contact is that, while some adults are not fully aware of the consequences of their acts and while power imbalance is inherent to human relationships, children are both ignorant of the consequences and in a position of social disadvantage towards the entire society. Informed consent is based either on information or favorable power dynamics and neither thing is present for the child in such a relationship. And that also explains why the age of consent varies across cultures: different countries have different attitudes towards sex, more or less informed youth, wider or narrower extent of children’s rights, at different given historical contexts. So, when someone says “children can not consent”, what they are saying, in functionalistic terms is:

  1. children are not informed enough to give a valid consent to sexual relationships that are inherently unequal, and;

  2. this issue is important because sex is risky, that is, potentially harmful.

Because giving consent to an act without information on the consequences is a null choice and because giving consent in a situation where you can not really say “no” (as a dangerous adult could attempt to force the child if consent is denied) is also null, the child’s consent is null or, at least, not informed, thus legally invalid (in which case, the child could have consented, it’s just that the law will disregard such consent). It doesn’t matter if the child said yes: if their consent is null, the act is equivalent to rape, even if just in purely legal terms (hence the term “statutory rape”). That is the rationale behind informed consent and the reason why adult/child sexual contact remains illegal. Even the act was genuinely freely engaged in and even if no harm, but only benefit, resulted from the act, it was still immoral.

For many things, parents and guardians consent for their children (Lavin, 2013). So, when it comes to sexual matters, even if the age of consent were to be abolished, that does not equal full child liberation. The child would still be cared for and nurtured by their parents, who would be responsible for them and held accountable for the harm that the child could suffer from anything, sexual or not. Because of that, many parents would not accept their children getting into such adventures, even if the child comes to voice their desire to participate.

In any case, children have their own maturing pace and each individual child develops differently. They are supposed to learn about their sexuality in their own way. This is a very tricky situation, because the introduction of adult elements in a sexuality that is still fourishing could harm the development of said sexuality, which could result in frustration for the child after they grow up or even immediately. We still would have to consider the possibility of selfish adults tricking or manipulating the child or otherwise trying to make their interest prevail over the child’s interest. If that’s a possibility, legalization remains risky. I am sure that you can be a loving person, but others may not be as much. And finally, a child and an adult in a sexual relationship could be looking for different things: the adult could be looking for physical intimacy and emotional bounding, while the child would be motivated by curiosity and pleasure. If the motivations are different, the relationship might not be fulfilling for either.

Plus, even if there is positively recalled adult/child sexual contact and even if anecdotal evidence shows that there are minors craving such encounters, the act, when discovered, will cause damage to both parties of the relationship, due to the judicial proceeding and probably therapy afterwards. I reiterate that acting on those desires in a cultural context that is disapproving of such conduct is a display of irresponsibility. Pro-contact minor-attracted people are interested in changing the laws (see Sandfort, 1987, chapter 3 for an example of attempted age of consent reform in the Netherlands), but should not be interested in breaking the laws, not only because of their own safety, but also because of how the child might respond to the intervention (for an anecdote on how societal intervention alone can harm both adult and child, see Rivas, 2016, pages 27 to 32)


If you will not necessarily commit any crime, if most people who perpetrate sexual offenses against children are not pedophiles in the first place and if such attractions have been, are and could be acceptable depending on cultural context, then you have no reason to feel ill. If that is all that you needed to hear or read, you could drop the issue altogether and stop caring about it, as it is the charge that is attributed to the feelings, rather than the feelings themselves, that cause the shame and the guilt. That implies that society makes you feel ill, not the feelings that are present in you.

If that is the case, you  could use some company to at least cope with the feeling of isolation. There are legal communities online and offline that minor-attracted people can rely on, to exchange experiences and have guidance from people who share the attraction. Of course, you are also encouraged to avoid illegal communities. B4U-ACT has a peer support group, for example. Other communities such as Boychat/Girlchat, Virtuous Pedophiles and the JORis groups of NVSH (this last one in the Netherlands) are also options. Out of those, only Virtuous Pedophiles has strict requirements for membership, as the person who joins their group needs to also be anti-contact. I should remind the reader that anti-contact and pro-contact are not indicative of offender status. B4U-ACT, Boychat/Girlchat and the JORis groups of NVSH do not have such requirement. As B4U-ACT wants to reach as many minor-attracted people as possible, it does make sense that it would not push any particular view on the contact issue: when the Paedophile Information Exchange operated in the United Kingdom, it’s pro-contact activism pushed some members away (O’Carroll, 1980, chapter 11). When it comes to age of consent reform, support groups and political activism are tough to conciliate, if not impossible. That being said, if a support group for minor-attracted people wants to reach as many people possible, it must avoid any definitive position on the age of consent, which would encourage participation by both pro-contact and anti-contact minor-attracted people. Such attitude would also keep the organization itself safe. The JORis groups and B4U-ACT also hold real life meetings on occasion, but, while the JORis groups tries to be a support group where people can introduce themselves and talk about their struggles to receive peer support, the real life meetings held by B4U-ACT are academic in nature and researchers also participate. While people attend to B4U-ACT’s meetings on their own, some people are referred to the JORis groups by the justice system.

Not viewing attraction to minors as something negative and having others who understand and listen is crucial for the well being of minor-attracted people, avoiding a dreaded mindset of “having nothing to lose”, which would make the minor-attracted people prone to desperate actions, such as suicide. If people hate minor-attracted people because it is believed that they always offend the law and all of those who offend the law are attracted to minors, then there is no reason to hate them, as that belief is demonstrably wrong. They are not worth hating. In fact, if you are non-offending, you pass as perfectly “normal”. A lot of people are probably friends with at least one person like you.

To dispel the prejudices that exist regarding minor-attracted people, the best solution would be the coming out of them. It is much safer to “come out” online, in dedicated accounts, and many have done so on Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, WordPress, Tumblr, Medium and so on. Freedom of speech is a human right and freedom of thought is something that can not be taken from you. No petition can change that. If you can come out online, especially if you know how to separate your public, real life identity from a dedicated online account identity, it is already helpful. The prejudice against minor-attracted people only exists because people can say whatever they wish about a silent minority. How many minor-attracted people are out there? The lowest guess, according to B4U-ACT’s facts page, is 600.000 adults, only counting United States. How many exist in other countries? Are all those people bad?


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